When life changes and you don't feel like yourself any more

Life doesn't always turn out quite as we expected. Becoming a parent, children growing up, facing the prospect of an empty nest, changes at work, relationship difficulties, menopause, loss or other significant events can change not only our circumstances, but how we feel about ourselves and the life we're living.

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Sometimes the change is welcome. Sometimes it isn't. And sometimes there isn't one particular event at all, just a gradual feeling that something has shifted. You may find yourself feeling lost, stuck or uncertain about what you want. Perhaps you've spent years adapting to what life has asked of you and looking after the people around you, but have gradually lost sight of your own needs, interests and sense of who you are.​​​

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You might feel like you've lost yourself​

Or you may recognise some of these feelings:
 

• "I don't feel like myself anymore."

• "I don't know what I want."

• "I've lost my sense of direction."

• "Everyone else seems to know what they're doing, but I feel stuck."

• "I love my family, but I don't know who I am outside of them."

• "I've always coped before, so why am I finding this so difficult?"

• "I thought I'd be happier by now."

• "I want to enjoy my life again."
   

You may also be experiencing anxiety, low mood, stress or overwhelm. Sometimes it can be difficult to know whether the change in circumstances has caused how you're feeling, or whether how you're feeling is making it harder to adjust to things.

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What can make us feel like we've lost ourselves?

Significant transitions aren't always dramatic events. Sometimes they happen gradually, and you only realise how much has changed when you notice that your old ways of living no longer feel right. You might be adjusting to:

Parenthood and changing family life
Becoming a parent can transform your identity, relationships, priorities and sense of freedom. Later, as children become more independent, you may find yourself asking what comes next.

Menopause and changing sense of self
Physical and emotional changes during menopause can coincide with a period of reassessing your relationships, work, priorities and identity.

Changes at work
Redundancy, leaving a career, returning to work, retirement or simply realising that your work no longer fits who you are can all prompt difficult questions about the future.

Relationships and separation
Changes in a relationship can affect not only your circumstances but also your sense of who you are and what you want.

Loss and bereavement
Losing someone can change the shape of your life. You may also experience a sense of loss when circumstances, relationships, roles or expectations change.

A quieter sense that something needs to change
Sometimes there isn't one obvious event. You may simply reach a point where you think, "I can't carry on like this."

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How counselling can help

You may feel that you want to "find yourself again", but perhaps the person you were before isn't quite the person you want to be now.

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Counselling can give you space to explore what has changed, what matters to you now and what you want your life to look like. We can think about your values, your needs, your relationships and the expectations you've placed on yourself.

The aim isn't to return to an earlier version of yourself. It is to develop a clearer sense of who you are now and what you want to carry forward with you.​​

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I offer online counselling for feelings around life transitions and for those who have lost their sense of who they are  across the UK, as well as face-to-face counselling in Surbiton, Kingston upon Thames and the surrounding area. You can get in touch here