When coping starts to feel like too much

You may feel constantly stressed, overwhelmed or exhausted, with very little time or energy left for yourself. Things that once felt manageable may feel like yet another demand when you are already at full capacity. You might find yourself becoming more irritable, tearful or anxious, struggling to switch off or wondering how long you can keep going like this.

 

Maybe you feel torn: on the one hand resentful that everyone seems to expect you to cope and takes you for granted, while on the other finding it difficult to accept any help that is offered.​​ Perhaps you've told yourself that you just need to get organised, try harder or power through. But you're beginning to realise that you can't keep putting yourself last without it taking a toll.

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Stress doesn't always arrive dramatically. Sometimes the gradual realisation that your usual capacity isn't there anymore creeps up on your over time.

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You might feel overwhelmed by everything

You might feel that your mind is constantly full with too many things to remember, organise or worry about. You may find it difficult to relax or switch off, even when you have time to rest. Often clients describe feeling like a pressure cooker nearly at full capacity.

 

You might also experience:​​​

• feeling overwhelmed emotionally

• struggling to cope with everyday tasks

• feeling as though everyone wants something from you

• difficulty saying no or asking for help

• feeling disconnected from yourself

• wondering why you can't cope like you used to

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When stress becomes part of everyday life

When you have been living in a state of overwhelm or prolonged stress for too long, you might start to experience:

• racing thoughts or difficulty concentrating

• irritability or feeling more emotional than usual

• constantly feeling stressed and on edge

• physical and emotional exhaustion

• feeling guilty when you make time for yourself or prioritise your own needs

• losing interest in things you normally enjoy

 

You don't have to be at breaking point to ask for support. Just recognising that your current way of coping isn't sustainable is an important step towards feeling better.

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When being the capable one comes at a cost​

Are you the person everyone turns to, the 'capable' one? Often you find it easier to help someone else than to ask for help yourself, or you feel guilty when you take time for your own needs. You might have become so used to putting other people's needs first that your needs have become harder and harder to notice. 

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"Being the person everyone relies on can feel good. It can be part of who you are.

But it can also mean that people stop noticing how much effort it takes to

keep everything going, including you.​"

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Perhaps you've learned to cope by keeping busy, being highly organised, trying to get everything right, coming up with solutions to problems, avoiding disappointing people or simply carrying on, regardless of how you feel.​ These ways of coping may have helped you manage difficult times in the past, but things change and what once protected you can start to leave you feeling exhausted or disconnected from yourself. You may have become very good at coping. Perhaps other people see you as capable, dependable and strong. But being the person who can always manage doesn't mean you don't have limits.

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When you can't just think your way out of it​

You may have tried to solve the problem yourself. Perhaps you've read books, listened to podcasts, exercised, tried mindfulness or breathing exercises, tried to get more organised, taken some time off or simply told yourself that you need to cope better. These things can all be helpful, but sometimes the problem isn't that you haven't tried hard enough. The ways you've learned to cope may simply no longer be enough for what you're carrying.

 

Could it be burnout?

You may recognise some of these experiences in yourself. Burnout can develop gradually over time and it isn't always about work. You might be experiencing prolonged pressure from work, family responsibilities, caring for others or simply carrying the mental load of everyday life for a long time. You may not even have noticed how much you were carrying until you reached a point where you felt you had nothing left to give.

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You might wonder why you can't simply power through like you've done before. But sometimes the answer isn't to try harder. Instead, you might need to stop for a moment and consider what has brought you to this point and what you need to change.​​​

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Finding a different way to cope

Counselling for stress isn't about giving you another list of things to fit into an already busy life. It's an opportunity to stop, take a breath and understand what is happening beneath the feeling of overwhelm. A space where, for once, you don't have to be the one holding everything together.

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Together we can explore the pressures you're carrying, recognise the patterns that may be keeping you stuck and consider what you need to feel more balanced and connected to yourself. We can talk about what makes it difficult to prioritise yourself and what it might mean to begin treating your own needs as important too. And we can look at the expectations you place on yourself and the ways you may have learned to cope with difficult feelings.

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Counselling isn't about learning to cope with more and more. It can be an opportunity to understand why you're feeling overwhelmed, recognise what you need and begin to find a different way of responding to the pressures in your life. The aim isn't for you to become someone who never feels stressed or overwhelmed, but to develop a kinder and more sustainable way of looking after yourself. ​

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I offer online counselling for stress, overwhelm and burnout across the UK, as well as face-to-face counselling in Surbiton, Kingston upon Thames and the surrounding area. You can get in touch here

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If you find it hard to put your own needs first and you're struggling with low self-esteem or a harsh inner critic, you might also find my page on Low self-esteem and self-criticism that talks about people pleasing and perfectionism helpful too.